i'm going deaf. and no, i always figured that i'll go deaf in my golden years or because of the drums. but not because i went swimming! ear isnt blocked by water, but by pressure against it. hurts at strange intervals. and i have to freaking go to the doctor. yes, i have decided that it's better to consult a doctor than to whine, scream and moan about it.

had piano today. teacher spoke surprisingly loud. thank god. because i think she'll be irritated with my "what? what?" all the time. then she told me my scales weren't calm. excuse me. like she expected them to be! how can you ask me to be calm and collected when i'm so afraid she'll pass some comment at the end like "tone isnt there! why isn't it full tone? it's too soft!" or blah blah blah. obviously, i get very agitated during scales. as if i can be calm!

bloody fucking ear! stupid assface. i think i'm going to start sprouting vulgarities here. shit. getting quite painful.

and the doctor probably cant do anything. i'm seriously going to go around deaf for the rest of my life.

deaf at 16.

what a cheerful thought